English is Weird

Some of the kids I teach have just arrived to America like, 5 minutes ago, and have trouble with idioms. This isn't really surprising, and pretty much all languages have their own funky sayings. There's a French term of endearment that's translated to something like, "my little cabbage". I might have slept like a log last night, but if I was in Germany, I would have slept like a woodchuck.

Other languages are cool, and if my school had had the program, I would've liked to have studied linguistics.

But I still remain firm in my belief that English is the red-headed stepchild of languages, particularly American English.

Case in point: even if you grew up speaking American English, it can be hard to understand regional dialects. Take my childhood next door neighbor Brad, for instance. Though I didn't really know it at the time, he came from a family of good ol' boys. My family's midwestern, so there were many times when I felt like I was a stranger in a strange land when I was talking to him.

Brad said he liked to eat "bowled" peanuts.

This is sort of what I imagined, hence the confusion.

This is what Brad meant. Southerners are not fond of diphthongs.

Brad's brother "Ron" was going to community college.

I heard "Ron," but Brad meant...

...Ryan. VERY distinct. And while I'm looking at you Ryan Phillipe, let me tell you that I'm still devastated over your breakup with Reese. You guys need to get back together, pronto.

I'm sure there were a plethora of other things Brad said that I got confused by, but after 20-plus years the memory's foggy. Anyway, my point remains that Americans speak oddly, and sometimes it's even too much for other Americans.

Here is a short list of Americanisms that, in my opinion, require further inspection:

1. "At the end of the day..."

This is just so stupid. Why do you have to preface WHEN this event will happen? And if you MUST do this, why can't we just stick with, "When all is said and done," or "In the end," or hey, how about this succinct gem: "Finally,"? At the end of MY day, I want to be on my couch, watching mindless television, eating my dinner. The end of my day is a geriatric 5, 6 o'clock (my parents always said I was advanced for my age) and has nothing to do with ultimate finality. I think I heard it for the first time on The Apprentice, like 5 or 6 years ago. It should have gone to wherever they hid Omarosa.

I sort of pity Omarosa, who clearly needs psychiatric help. I also feel sorry for her dress, since it's obviously fighting a losing battle with her boobs, as they struggle to get away from her.

2. "A whole nother..."

What exactly is a "nother?" Is it like "nether?" How much is a nother? Is a "whole nother" in some way preferable to a "half, or even a quarter nother?" We'll never know.

3. "Let's firm that up."

I hate this. Almost as much as #1. I get that they're trying to say that the plans are loosey-goosey, so in order to make things more concrete, future events need to be (ugh - shudder) firmed up. I just don't like it, not one bit. Makes me think of cellulite cream, Richard Simmons, and this:

It was acceptable in the 80s. It was acceptable at the time.

So, what kinds of things do people say that drive you nuts?