Wednesday, July 6, 2011

It's Like Groundhog's Day, Only a Thirty-Something Asian Woman Is Bill Murray

As you probably know, I'm a new mom. And while I love my kid and welcome the new addition to our family, I desperately miss two old friends that have disappeared with his arrival - the insides of my eyelids. Oh, eyelids! How you've comforted me, given me respite, and kept me happy my whole life. Will I ever see you again?

Like them eyelids, kid? I made those eyelids, and I demand you use them.

In recent Type-A personality attempts to start getting this kid on some kind of predictable schedule so that I can hang out with my two buddies again, I've begun documenting our activities so that I can create some kind of regular daily plan that works for the whole family. Mr. TBAIC's gotten a new work schedule as well, so circadian rhythms in this house have pretty much flown out the window. Everything worked great a few weeks ago. Our daily lives went something like this:

6am: Kid eats.
7am: I eat.
7:30: Stroller walk around neighborhood.
8:00: I shower and breath a sigh of relief. Feed kid.
9 - 11: I do something productive around the house.
11: Kid takes a nap while I eat lunch and watch mindless tv.
1pm: Kid's awake! I feed him.
The rest of the afternoon was punctuated by play and other grown up productive stuff. Then, Mr. TBAIC awakes, we eat dinner, then settle in for the night.

Lately, my non-Gosselin's been particularly uninterested in that late morning nap, much to my chagrin. Oh he gets sleepy, don't get me wrong. But he fights it like crazy. Here's what yesterday's schedule looked like:

10am: Feed kid.
10:30: Lightly bounce in my arms on the exercise ball til his eyelids are sufficiently droopy.

It can strengthen your core AND lull a baby to sleep. Whodduhthunkit?
11am: Lay down gingerly in bassinet (we're trying to get him to sleep in one spot, now). Look at that face. What a little angel!
11:07: Kid cries. Bouncing part deux.
11:35: Lay down in bassinet ever so gently. Slowly, just a centimeter at a time, pull my arms out from underneath his sweaty little body. Do they make baby deodorant? Stand up and watch for signs of arousal. Take a deep breath and leave the room.
11:38: Kid cries, mommy curses quietly. Makes plans to chug a bottle of wine if, and when the child ever sleeps again. Repeat steps 1 and 2.
12:07: I have anxiously checked the time every 2 minutes or so since laying him down last. SCORE! Take THAT, baby! Right about now I'd be high-fiveing myself if it wasn't such a noisy activity.
12:10: "WAAAAAAAA!" Defeated, I trudge down the hallway.

This cycle basically repeated itself over and over again until around 2pm, no joke.

2pm: Eff the bassinet. He can sleep wherever he wants to. I put him in his swing. He sleeps like the dead until 5:15. I even vacuumed around him and he didn't wake up.

My saving grace. Oh, how I heart you.
Sound familiar to anyone? Is there a magic pill or something I can buy? Oh please God, tell me there's a magic pill....


  1. Well, it's not quite a pill but it does come in a bottle...St. James is quite delicious, as is Arbor Mist...Cheap too, for us frugal moms...The only down side is after a few years you find yourself requiring something that packs a little more punch...Jack Daniels is a good guy, reliable, goes well with cola too. :p

  2. I don't know how many times I referred to my life those first months as a bad version of the Ground Hog Day. It gets better, I promise! I don't know your plans for sleep training with Owen, but it was completely life changing when we Ferberized (well, our own version of it) starting at 6 months. Up until then, the boys napped in their swings during the day (those swings are seriously the best invention EVER), and then they slept in their cribs at night. The napping thing has always been a struggle for us... at least getting them on a reasonable schedule part... but it was much easier for us once we started sleep training, and they went to three predictable naps. Also, don't stress about using the swing, apparently there are two different parts of the brain that work with day time vs. night time sleeping, so just because your little man prefers his swing for napping, it won't ruin him for his nighttime routine (or so the pro's say).

    I also have to tell you, if you don't have it already, buy this book:
    "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"

    I just recently bought it, and am kicking myself in the ass that I didn't buy and read it before the boys were born. It was the reason we recently changed their schedule (again), which has been life changing again. It really does get better. The boys take two good naps each day and sleep from 6:30pm-6am each night. It is amazing... well would be if my pregnancy insomnia would lay off. Oh, and I'm certainly not bragging, because in a few short weeks I will be back on the newborn bandwagon. Yikes!

  3. Are these naps or regular old nighttime shut-eye we're talking here? I remember you talking about not sleeping well when you were that still the case? No bueno!

  4. The swing is your best friend, it was the only thing that worked for Aiden, and really...if they are sleeping and you get a bad can it be! :-)

  5. Kate Hinklin-LauderdaleJuly 6, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    I don't have anything that will help you get your child to sleep. Not a thing. Atticus was and remains a relatively lousy sleeper. I would have gleefully tied him to the dog if I thought her wanderings would have lulled him to sleep.

    Get a ring sling. I can point you to some sites that sell good ones. It will at least allow you to get your hands back while your kid isn't sleeping.

  6. Thanks for the validation, seriously needed. I'm pretty sure I'm Putting too much emphasis on the folks whose 3 month-olds are sleeping through the night. Today we've been favoring the bouncy seat for napping, and he's been snoozing most of the day (after a rocky start.) It's just so frustrating to rock him forever then he wakes up. Can't wait til we're done with this!

  7. Would it be wrong to slip him a mickey? ;)

    ...just kidding (kind of)

  8. You know Jason says he just needs a visit from Dr. Benny.

  9. Hey TBAIC,

    How's the sleep going? Wanted to check in and see how your little one was doing? We had the same problem at 3 months. I then decided to nip it in the butt and sleep train Erin at 3.5 months. It was rough for the first few days, but she's an excellent napper and sleeper now and can put herself to sleep, thank God!


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